Kitchen frizby

You haven't lived until you've played kitchen frizby. The way a plastic disk echoes when slammed into a wooden cabinet, dishwasher door or glass pitcher is priceless. It's like Tron, but it makes sense.

I'm making a push for an Olympic bid in roughly 4 to 40 years.

Henry - your personal guide to everything awesome.

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Henry here,
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I love you all.
H

Television is a medium

Publicist here,
Sometimes at night I sit and veg out before crashing. Within those moments I have been known to sit infront of the television, turn my brain off and, well, nothing. This is the point where I am supposed to say;"I like to watch the history channel because I am fascinated with the relationship between ancient glyphic symbolism and mankinds obscenssion with putting bacon on everything they eat." The truth of the matter is that I usually end up flipping between the cartoon network and boomerang. A steady diet of Family Guy, Justice League and Thundar the Barbarian should give you a pretty good idea of where my interests live.

One my way to Spider-Man and his Amazing friends I stopped by Mtv. There I witnessed the end of days. It was titled Paris Hilton's BFF. A reality show where Paris Hilton does a reality show ala, the bachelor, next top model, or pick any other name of any reality show and you get the drift. That doesn't even matter. I didn't watch more than five minutes and I realize that I am a dumber person now than before I happened upon this abomination.

Television is a medium, neither rare or well done.

If I had a sledge hammer I would give myself penance with it. If I had a time machine I would go back and stop myself from being born to maximize the possibility that I could avoid this most grevious and unforgivable error of channel surf.

There are things that once seen, cannot be unscene. Learn from my mistakes. It's not worth it.

Let us never speak of this again.

Quote of the Day

Me:I'm going to the garage, you wanna come Henry?
Henry: Yeah, I better bring a donut.
(Henry grabs a donut)
Me: Why?
Henry: Incase I want a donut.

End scene

Everything is Nothing

Publicist here,
I gotta tell ya, the pace around the office has been frantic. H-Legit Post Productions is crazy busy. Henry, being the final decision maker and driving creative visionary behind the entire organization has really been hitting his stride lately. There are times where I am literally dizzy from multitasking. I have become that guy that carries multiple cellphone. The official work day pretty much starts at sunrise and end an hour after sunrise. That's a 25 hour day, which physically impossible but through magic I could never possibly understand, Henry makes it so.

So today I get back from the multiple projects that Henry has us working on and asks "you ok?" I say that I'm totally cool of course.
"What's this?" Henry ask while pointing to the floor.
"The floor?" I reply.
"It's nothing." He says followed with a "What's this?" Pointing to his left.
"I don't know." I say. Not because I'm playing some kind of game. I really had no idea what he was talking about.
"It's nothing." Henry says. Leaning in close, to make sure he has my attention he tells me:

"Everything is nothing."

I am blasted by the wave of philosophy, rocking my core by the sheer density of that profound statement. Instantly my shoulders feel lighter and I find I can breath. not even realizing I had been 15 pounds heavier an slytly asmatic only moments before.

Think about it.
True story.

Out.

With a whisper to a roar

Hello, Perhaps you have forgotten about me. So allow me to re-introduce myself. My name is Henry. For those who have not forgotten, allow me to say, thank you.
Now that we have gotten the pleasantries out of the way, let's get down to buisness. Mainly the buisness of why has this blog been so silent for so long. In all honesty I have no idea. I was under the impression that it was being updated daily. In fact, I actually thought it was real time. With all the publicity stills being taken around here I was starting to get paranoid. Is it really necessary to take a picture every time I eat something I haven't eaten before? Must a camera flash with every new shirt? My eyes melted out of my head the other day from flash bulbs. I got better but it was a gooie mess for a little while. Ok, that's not true and I just got a time out for exageratting the truth so I'm sorry that I said my eyes melted out of my face when they didn't. I won't do that again.

Once I learned that such a long period of time had passed since we last spoke I started to become very nervous. All of a sudden there is all this pressure on me to come back with a bang like some kind of Summer sequel blockbuster. It's enough to make your system shut down and curl up with a binky and watch Cars and eat a cookie and not want to write. My God cookies sound good right now, something with chocolate in it, maybe M&M's. I could tear through a bag of M&M's right now. I need a car. If I had a car I'd by a ton of M&M's and use them to fill up a swimming pool and build a McDonalds around it and make it one of those cool playgrounds in McDonalds. I can't reach the pedals in a car so that's not going to happen. I have been eyeing some bycicles lately. That could be cool, a bike, maybe with the cards in the spokes so it sounds like Lightning McQueen. Cachow Cachow.

So here I am, stressing myself to the point of blockage when a very good friend used the phrase "whisper to a roar." Which made absolutely no sense until it was laid out to me. The point is not to pressure yourself. Just talk. Just say Hi, how ya doin?
Kind of like Andy Roony on that hour show where he talks for 60 seconds at the end but without all the complaining.

And that's the point of this here episode in the life and times of me. Alot is going on. Alot has gone on and alot will continue to go on. Some of it news worthy, some of it fairly mundane. The point is that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me.
I'm reminded of the great words of Lighting McQueen when he said. "It's just an empty cup." Even though we all know it's a whole lot more. It's actually a symbol of how greatness comes not from large acts of ego but small acts of friendship. And that's all I'm trying to say here. That, and thunder always comes after lighting.
CaChow CaChow.

I invite and encourage you to take a look at the new segment stationed directly to the right of this column. It's filled with little out takes of life in general. Some are old, some are new. It will be constantly updated so feel free to check them out at your leisure.

I think for now I will leave it at that. I'll get back to the day to day rantings of why I have to sit in a seat on someone else's bike and not my own on another day. Topics such as why playdough is not a healthy snack can wait.

I will leave you with this bit of ponder. In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy told his friend Sala to get horses, not camels. Upon his Sala's return, Indy, to his dismay realized that his friend had brought back some camels. Rightly so, Indy asks, "Sala, I said no camels, that's five camels, can't you count?" If I were Sala, I would have said, "Yes, I can count. I can count to twelve."

Smile, the sun bleaches your teeth making you more attractive to potential suiters.

Henry - out.

Pretending is fun

Like pretending to fall down the stairs. Everyone always gets a good clean fun. No one ever get's upset and says things like "don't do that, you'll give me a heart attack" or "did you teach him that?" or "I said no". Pretty much fun for the whole family. Kind of like that board game Candy Land, but not really.
Henry - OUT

Henrobservation

Henry here,
Yes we have some catching up to do. Don’t worry there’s plenty to talk about, Thanksgiving, Agent Birthday, and this amazing day about a man in a red coat. But I want to spend this small bit of opportunity to talk about something that happened to me today.
So H-Legit productions is always on the move. I spend a lot of time in Henrywood at a little place that does a lot of work for me called H-Images. I personally love the drive. Or I would, if I could, I think, stupid laws, anyway as we drive I like to day dream about.
Some call them salad days, some yester year, some something else. I call them Hemories. The finest of all memories, the one’s that make you smile, I think of the Line Producers, the Gaffers, the Marketers. I think how I miss all the employees of my satellite companies. I think of them as we drive and I smile.

“Don’t panic.” Says my Publicist suddenly facing me.
Don’t panic? Want to make someone panic? Tell them not to panic. Might as well put a bowl of raw cookie dough in front of me and say ‘Whatever you do, don’t eat this.’ That’s pretty much the moment I realized that as much as I miss the rest of my employees, this one I can’t seem to get rid of. I wake up and he’s there. I go to bed, he’s there, I sneeze and he’s in my face asking if I just sneezed. Yes, I sneezed. You saw it, you heard it. I can prove you were there by what’s on your shirt. Why would you ask these ridiculous questions? And now am not suppose to panic? Well let me just tell you what not to do….
Then I saw it. Flashing blinking lights. The kind on fire trucks and Emergency vehicles. It’s an Emergency! Where? Where is the emergency? Is it here? Is it me? Am I the emergency? Should I be emergencing?


The yellow flashing lights swarm the inside of the car like a hornets’ nest. The amber hue drowns my skin like a dandelion field during sunrise. The Golden …..wait…. thought forming…. Hold….the…. line….yellow yellow yellow. Emergency lights are red and blue….forming….. thinking….if light is not red and blue then it’s not an emergency.
Stand down.
I turn to see what this is all about. The car behind us is a police car, but a police car with yellow lights on top.
“Read the words” I command my Publicist.
“Parking enforcement.” He replies.
Parking enforcement? Does he want me to pull over? But if I pull over I’ll be parked illegally in a no parking zone and I’ll get a parking ticket. If I don’t pull over am I disobeying an officer and will he send me, and when I say me I mean my Publicist to jail? What do I do? It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma and just as I felt the aneurysm wield it ugly jaw the Parking Enforcement car turned into a Carl’s Junior.

Which brings me to the point of this story and the moral of the observation. Carl’s Junior’s six dollar burger is, in my opinion a really good burger and easily worth that price.
Happy New Year!
Henry Out!