Henritique

Welcome to my new column. It seems like everyday I am introduced to a whole lot of
ne stuff. Dare I say plethora?
Plethora.
All this new stuff needs judging, today. I dub thee Judgement Day.
Today's judgement: The season premiere of Nip Tuck.
I stayed up late to check this one out. I had a lot of personal interest invested,
the story of these guys moving to a new place is something that I can personally relate to.
But that's pretty much where it ended. There was a lot of talking and people making googly
eyes. Gross. There was a little basketball in the beginning but then it was all blah blah
talky talky. Seriously, where were the Dinasuars? Where were the firetrucks? It's
called nip tuck but not one Agent or Publicist tucked one Star into bed. What's up with
that? It's called false advertising that's what it's called. Boring false advertising.
But let us end this on a high note.
Did you know that in the original Superman movie, To achieve the shot of young
Clark Kent kicking a football into orbit, an air cannon was placed underground
and the football fired from it.

Call your agent, they miss you.
Henry

(The publicist will be calling his agent tonight, he promises)

Henry here,
This has been a crazy week hasn't it? Yes, the Rocks didn't go all the way and Green beat the Bronc's and so you may feel the need to be a little depressed. Maybe drown yourself in some fishy crackers and apple juice.
That may be all well and good. I'm not going to tell you not to do what you gotta do. I've lived in a glass house or two. But it's all fleeting. It usually ends sucking on the end of a mylocon eye dropper. You know what I'm talking about. What I'm trying to say is that there is always a good side. All tough journeys have their bright spots and just when you think it's time to lay down for a big nap. That's the exact moment you need to pick that fire engine up and run around the room.


Take the different perspective. Perhaps an example is in order. Say you are running around and you forget that you have grown three inches in two days. Guess what? Things don't grow with you. I learned. It's called a bonk. But the bright side is I can grab way more things on tables and I can climb chairs and reach doorknobs. Here's another example. Perhaps your Publicist has been out of the office for way too long. Yeah you've gotten used to him and he's pretty good and heating a bowl of outmeal and you miss that. When he's not around he can't tuck you into bed and go adventuring. Let's face it, that's a drag. But here's the bright side, I sent him out on an important mission and H-lgt Productions is going to be stonger than ever.

Here's some poster art of the upcoming Western Epic "Knowhere"


See? Always a bright side. Some know the story already, it's coming, prepare yourself.

Suprised? Welcome to H-lgt Productions where dreams live, inpsiration thrives and there is always time for one more cookie.

Words of wisdom to tide you over.

Henry here.


Man, I gotta tell ya, It's been major adventure time here at H-Legit Productions. We are in the process of moving offices and I can't seem to find my head from a hole in the ground. The move is what I term a "soft rollout", I coined that phrase. Any time you use it you owe me royalties. So use it alot. It looks like we are going to try out a couple of different offices before we find the new perminant one. I heard my Publicist mumbling something about a market in the dump, which sounds awesome. A food store where they put garbage? I am so in.
Any way. The adventure is just getting started. Now that new office is starting to settle just a little (I think I'm going to call it office 2: Empire of Wrath, it's a working title. That or Office 2: Officer, I don't know, let me know what you think.)
Anyway, in this crazy world I thought I might share some words of wisdom to help you get through your day.

Late- H-Bomb

some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help

If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

The best presents don't come in boxes

It's only work if somebody makes you do it

I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool

Monumental moment of stupendious perportions

So large in fact a single picture is injustice incarnate.
I present to you the moment you have all been waiting for but feared you would never see.
Simply press play.

- The Publisher'



PLAY

Mark your Calendar

The Christmas Cards have just been order.

- Henry

Henry here,
Wow, it's been awhile. Your probably asking, where have you been Henry? The big Summer blockbusters are coming out and I'm not seeing your name on any of the posters. What's up? Well I fell in with wrong crowd.














It started innocently enough. They seemed cool at first. Really at my eye level you know?
Some people who I could hang out with and they weren't making all these demands on me like. "Can I have kisses?" or "show me your teeth." I was just tired.
















More and more I found myself sneaking away, trying to find some peace from the press. They are relentless with their cameras.




















Then came the gambling.

intervention

Then came the chocolate.
I was out of control.

And I loved it. Never before had I felt so alive!










It got to the point where I couldn't even stand up straight.













My best friend, my curse.
















Then came the intervention.
















Get that camera out of my face.















Tough love my foot. Chocolate! Give me chocolate!















But thanks to my staff I melted like butter on a hot summer day. For the first time in a long time I realized how good my employees are. I mean seriously, they clean places you really don't want to think about. And they do it with a smile. All this and I don't even provide dental.














So let this be a lesson to us all. Baby goats, no matter how cool they may seem in the begining are really only out to each your stuff.















And my friends really helped me out of a cake beater or whatever, you know what I'm saying. What. That's a saying. Look it up.















So my staff is teaching me a new word.
Teamwork.
It goes like this.
What's gonna work, teamwork.
What's gonna work,
teeaaaammm work.
















MMMMmmmmMMmm
mm mMMmm work,
mmmeaaamm work.
















see you soon. Life is adventure. I'll be your tour guide. Buckle your seatbealts because it's going to be a crazy ride.

Henry - Out

A day in my life

Henry Here,


I thought I might take you on a journey today. A typical day of what it's like to be me. Life's a party and I'm the guest of honor.


First I like to start off with my morning triple shot duelche latte mocha frapachino with a twist.





Followed by a little heavy lifting to get the blood flowing. The key is to lift in a jerking, twisting motion. Try to take legs completely out of the equation.










By now I like to have my morning constitutional.


But why walk when you can ride.











I'm a big fan of animals. So honest, so beautiful. Like little bundles of joy that you can eat.

Usually about this time the bars open and time to grab a cocktail.












Then I usually pass out on the couch.














Ending the day with a nice relaxing bath.





















It's good to be me.
Gotta go, I'm starting caffeine crash.

Later
Henry

Part 2 - aka Sports Rule!

Henry here,

Thought we might we might continue our conversation outside today. If you remember we were talking about what I'm going to do when I grow up. Something about sponsibilities or some word like that.

Now, where did I put that thing.

Oh, here it is.

Lawn Bowling!!

This is the coolest thing ever invented in the history of inventamentation.

Check it, you can balance it and spin it....

And throw it on the ground for a point. Touchback!

But to get back in the game you have to pick up what it call the Bin. Hey, be carefull! It takes a steady hand to tame the Bin. You have to grab it just right or it's chompers will chomp you. Like a snake only faster and meaner with bigger teeth and less legs.

Gotcha!

You ease your way up, keeping the Bin calm. Shhhh little bin sleep, shhhh sleep.

Whoopsie Daisy.
















Good Game! Any Game you can walk on a land from is a good one.